Why It’s Hard to Own Your Mistakes
Have you ever met someone who seemed almost allergic to taking responsibility for their actions? I’m talking about the kind of person who crashes into a parked car and then blames the other guy for parking there. People like this will often live in a state of denial and construct an entirely false narrative around what happened in order to avoid the painful admission that they did something wrong. Psychologists use the acronym DARVO to describe this type of behavior — deny, attack, reverse victim and offender.
One reason people act this way is because their self-worth is based on a public image of excellence, meaning they can only feel good about themselves by projecting a (false) sense of perfection. Behind the veneer of their public confidence lies a deep insecurity about never being good enough. For them, owning up to their mistakes is too costly, because saying “I was wrong” undermines the foundation of their self-worth.
The Bible has a very different view of how we are to respond when we are in the wrong, and it’s based on the fact that our value doesn’t come from our perfection or performance — it comes from the love of God that has been poured out in Christ Jesus. The unconditional love and security we have in Christ allows us to freely admit our sins and take responsibility for our actions.
For example, God calls us to acknowledge our sins (1 John 1:8, 10), confess them to God and others (1 John 1:9; James 5:16), repent by turning away from sin and pursuing God (Acts 3:19), demonstrate the sincerity of our repentance through a transformed way of life (Acts 26:20; Ephesians 4:28), make restitution when appropriate (Luke 19:8; Exodus 22:1-5), and seek reconciliation with the person we have harmed (Matthew 5:24). Why can we do all these things? Because the blood of Jesus has washed away our sins (1 John 1:7, 9), and we are no longer defined by what we’ve done wrong; we’re defined by what Jesus did for us.
It takes great integrity, character, trust, and vulnerability to confess, repent, and seek reconciliation in these ways. One thing we have to let go of in this process is our pride. We have to be willing to humble ourselves before God and others. When we do, we’ll experience the hope, healing, and reconciliation that God is offering us in Christ.
This Sunday, our message will focus on these ideas as we tell the story of Zacchaeus (Luke 19:1-10), a man who confessed his sins, repented of them, and made full restitution for the people he harmed. I hope you’ll join us this Sunday (and invite a friend) as we continue to explore the way Jesus offers us a living hope.
Blessings,
Bryan Fojtasek
